Woman About Sex

I’ve recently received an interesting and thought-provoking e-mail from a reader Kevin. And I’m glad to post my reply to the following letter:

I discovered your blog and thought you might have some good insight on this. I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. Her parents emigrated here from the Phillipines and she seemed to have very traditional values and was passionate about teaching. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

- Kevin -

Hello there, Kevin! Warmest THANK YOU for your e-mail. Your interest in my opinion is a huge compliment to me.

While reading through your “hourglass” story, I was smiling to myself a lot, with pleasure. And I am still smiling right now. Guess why? Because I’m blessed with an hourglass figure. I have nice breasts, well-defined waist and round butt and hips. I have ‘meat’ (lol) in all the right places, but I am still physically fit and I am not fat or overweight. As you’ve said it’s just the classic figure of the fifties. So I graciously accept all the compliments on my figure from both men and women.

Now, let’s consider your situation together.

First, let’s define what is an hourglass figure. An hourglass figure (also known as a guitar or violin, but of course not as pronounced) is a silhouette which resembles an hourglass which is wider at the top and bottom and narrow in the middle. Women with hourglass figures have round hips and relatively large busts which come in impressive contrast with a well-defined, narrow waist. Basically, bust and hips must be almost equal, but waist must be about 9-10 inches less diameter than the top and bottom. An hourglass figure is mostly about the body shape and contours, not the weight. A woman can be big and hourglass-shaped, and she can be small and thin and hourglass-shaped.

To all women who are endowed with an hourglass-shaped figure. An hourglass figure is mainly about the female body shape and contours, rather than weight. A perfectly sculpted, fit and toned hourglass figure is not a shame, it’s a figure to be proud of. A perfect hourglass figure is an eye-catcher and a turn-on for many men.

Marilyn Monro, Jane Mansfield, Ava Gardner, Bettie Page…

Gina Lollobrigida, Sofia Loren, Raquel Welch…

Beyonce Knowles, Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, Shakira, Kim Kardashian, Mayra Veronica, Kate Winslet, Yasmin Bleeth, Kelly Brook, Kate Winslet, Salma Hayek…

All these cuties are endowed with gorgeous curves and they are fine examples of hourglass figures. They have waist-hip differential, fairly large and round butt and boobs. Marilyn Monroe and Sofia Loren were so proud of their curves that they wore dresses a size too small to accentuate the figure contours and beautiful narrow waist. Many women are proud of their hourglass figures and many other women dream of having such figures – they strive to create the hourglass look by wearing breast-enhancing bras and corsets. In my opinion, having an hourglass figure is not a shame, it’s an honor, it’s an award from God.

Now, onto ”healthy”. Let me guess what you meant by saying “healthy”.

Historically, wide hips, large breasts and narrow waist in a woman have always been considered a sign of femininity. Large breasts and wide hips physically differentiate women from men, who are supposed to have narrow hips and no boobs, of course. In medical sense, the hourglass figure is often considered to be a “healthy” female figure as women with fairly large breasts and wide hips have a higher reproductive potential and higher level of female hormone estrogen. Although this is a VERY controversial issue, there is an opinion that a woman will have an easier childbirth if she has wide hips. OF COURSE it does not mean that a woman with smaller hips will not. There are a lot of women who are not hourglasses or have the “athletic” body type, but they look very, very, very feminine, absolutely beautiful and successfully give birth to wonderful babies.

Also, by saying “healthy”, you probably meant that a woman you met had a perfectly sculpted and toned body,  not fat or overweight. Am I right?

Now onto the complimenting on a woman’s figure and body image.

When you first meet a woman – complimenting on her figure and body image is not a good idea. Here’s why…

Everyone loves to receive kind and sincere compliments. And it is so wonderful that you feel comfortable to compliment a woman.

BUT

Although I realize that your compliment was, well, “complimentary”, I have to admit that your lady friend was right. To comment on a woman’s figure is okay – when you know that woman very well or she is your long-term girlfriend. But commenting on a woman’s figure when you meet a woman for the first time – it is not a good idea, even if you paid the sincerest compliment you’ve ever paid.

If that lady got offended with your compliment, it means she is not happy enough with her body shapes and assets. And you know what? Believe it or not, for most women, body image is a constant struggle. Almost every woman on Earth, regardless of her size and body assets, has some parts of her body she would like to improve, or, even, well, “remove”. Even the world’s most beautiful and ideally shaped women do have some body image issues.

Especially, when it comes to a woman’s breasts, hips, butt and legs.

I know very few women who are absolutely satisfied with their body looks. In fact, we women tend to worry about our body image tooooo much sometimes. Our body image worries are based on our weight issues, the quality of our sex life, previous sexual experiences and relationships, and other things.

As I know, dear men, you are much less critical of female body than we are. But the fact is that women will always be critical of their body. Andconvincing us to totally accept our bodies is almost… impossible.

For example, Kevin, if you sincerely think she has a “nice, full, hourglass figure” and this compliment sounds perfect in your mind – it does not mean she thinks so. As I’ve mentioned earlier, she might be unsatisfied with her figure and shape. Unfortunately, nowadays, some women tend to think that an hourglass figure and the word “curvy” are synonymous with overweight and fat. And, fortunately, hourglasses come back to fashion and media.

Dear men, thank you for your compliments, and please keep complimenting us. However, any compliment should be well-timed and thoughtful – especially – when you FIRST meet a woman. When you first meet a woman, I advise you to avoid very specific and very personal compliments (such as compliments with some sexual content, body-image compliments) in order to avoid misinterpretations, judgmental stares from onlookers and a slap in the face ;) When you first meet a woman, to be on the safe side, you may choose to compliment her soft melodious voice, her beautiful moves and posture, her interesting thoughts, her excellent style of dressing. If you genuinely find it worth complimenting. And remember – not only it is important WHAT you say, it is also very important HOW you say it.

Personally, I always accept all the compliments if they are genuine, coming from the bottom of one’s heart. I think it’s always nice to receive a compliment, and I also love giving sincere compliments to other people, particularly, men. Men do like receiving compliments; they just pretend they don’t ;)

Dear Kevin, I hope it was somewhat helpful and explaining. I’d be happy to get your feedback! Once again, thank you so much for bringing up this important and interesting topic!

Now some questions for you, my sweethearts:
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
How do you respond to compliments?
Is it easier to accept a compliment from a stranger, or someone who knows you really well?
Do you love it or not when someone compliments you on your body image?

Looking forward to hear your thoughts and experiences!

_____________________________________________________
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