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60 Adult Funny And Serious Quotes About Almost Everyone’s Favorite Topic – SEX!
Almost everyone loves sex. Even those who don’t talk about it openly. So, it’s not surprising that there are so many quotations, sayings and jokes about this everyone’s favorite subject!
Today is Friday, and I want you to relax and smile! I’ve collected a great list of various sayings (funny, filthy and serious) about sex and things sexual, by famous, infamous and not so famous men and women! Among more than 50 sayings, you’ll find quotes from Woody Allen, Confucius, Sharon Stone, Mae West, Robert De Niro, William Shakespeare! Not sure if all quotes are accurate as I’ve gathered them on the net. Still, feel free to link to this list, share it to your readers, or your wives/husbands, or your lovers, or readers who are your lovers, or lovers of your lovers, or your friends, or friends of your lovers, or your friend who’s your lover, and enjoy! (lol)
1. “When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better” – Mae West
2. “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” – Mae West
3. “To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it” – Cary Grant
4. “Before I fuck my girlfriend on the hood of my car, I always run the engine for a few minutes to warm it up – because that’s the kind of thing you do when you care” – Brad Osberg
5. “Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie” – W. Shakespeare
6. “For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time” – Isabel Allende
7. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place” – Billy Crystal
8. “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand!” – Woody Allen
9. “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful” – Robert De Niro
10. “Sex is emotion in motion” – Mae West
11. “Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature” – Marilyn Monroe
12. “Some things are better than sex, some things are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it” – W. C. Fields
13. “No one has ever died from an overdose of pornography”- J. Money and P. Tucker
14. “Healthy, lusty sex is wonderful” – John Wayne
15. “It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be”- Brigitte Bardot
16. “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships” – Sharon Stone
17. “If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter”- George Carlin
18. “I don’t understand what my girlfriend was so upset about – her mom’s tits *are* much nicer than hers. And certainly her mom should have liked the compliment. Man, what a crazy family” – Tim H. Richweis
19. “The great question that has never been answered and which I have not get been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?” – Sigmund Freud
20. “What are the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I’m home” – Ken Hammond
21. “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects” – Les Dawson
22. “Sex is dirty only if it’s done right” – Woody Allen
23. “No sex is better than bad sex” – Germaine Greer
24. “There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex” – Billy Joel
25. “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic” – Woody Allen
26. “A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ‘no’” – Woody Allen
27. “Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man” – Mignon McLaughlin
28. “The difference between man and animals is that we don’t use our tongue to clean our genitals” – Rimmer – Red Dwarf
29. “Tell him I’ve been too fucking busy – or vice versa” – Dorothy Parker
30. “The only unnatural sex act is one which you cannot perform” – Alfred Kinsey
31. “I tried setting my hotmail password to ‘penis’. It said my password wasn’t long enough…” – Unknown
32. “The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette” – Unknown
33. “Anticipation makes the hard-on longer” – Itsby Stevintary
34. “I think I could fall madly in bed with you” – Author Unknown
35. “Sex multiplies the possibilities of desire” – Unknown
36. “I think the hardest part of eating pussy is digesting the collar” – James Curry
37. “Man who argues with wife in morning has no piece at nigh” – Confucius
38. “Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure” – Thomas Szasz
39. “If sex doesn’t scare the cat, you’re not doing it right” – Unknown
40. “Isn’t it interesting how the sounds are the same for an awful nightmare and great sex?” – From the TV show The Golden Girls
41. “It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover” – Marge Piercy
42. “A dirty book is rarely dusty” – Author Unknown
43. “Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill” – Henry Louis Mencken
44. “Sex relieves tension – love causes it” – Woody Allen
45. “Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time” – Unknown
46. “Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly” – Confucius
47. “Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, “How can he want me the way I look in the morning?” It’s because we can’t see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve” – Andy Rooney
48. “Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics” – Author Unknown
49. “Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable” – Lord Chesterfield
50. “An erection is like the Theory of Relativity – the more you think about it, the harder it gets” – Unknown
51. “I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them” – Jay McInerney
52. “Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love, well, that’s just fabulous” – Carrie, Sex and the City
53. Stanford: I don’t want to seem like a nobody now that I have a somebody. Carrie: Oh, so it’s okay to be a nobody when you have nobody? Stanford: Well, apparently you’re nobody until somebody loves you! – Sex and the City
54. “Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman’s toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace” – Marianne Williamson, A Woman’s Worth
55. “Only a man can be a woman the way a man wants a woman to be” – Nicole Asahi
56. “Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth” – Confucius
57. “It is good for girl to meet boy in park but better for boy to park meat in girl” – Confucius
58. Sex is good, sex is fine! Doggy Style and 69! Just for fun or getting paid! Everyone likes getting laid!
59. Sex is evil, sex is sin – sins are forgiven, so stick it in!
60. Roses are nice, violets are fine, I’ll be the six, if you be the nine!
I hope you’re having a great day! And when you find a moment – leave a comment! Share your favorite adult quotes (jokes, poems, and all kinds of adult funnies), and I’ll add them to the list!
See ya soon, Sexies! :)
______________
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Sexual Nicknames: 10 Facts And More Than 100 Nicknames For A Man’s Most Private Part – The Penis!
The Masturbation List: Fun And Creative Synonyms For Male And Female Masturbation!
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so many of those were great !
Thanks, Annie! I’m glad you enjoyed the quotes!
And again, my warmest thaaanks for all your responses! :P
[...] 60 Adult Funny And Serious Quotes About Almost Everyone’s Favorite Topic – SEX! [...]
[...] 60 Adult Funny And Serious Quotes About Almost Everyone’s Favorite Topic – SEX! [...]
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