Woman About Sex

In my last week’s post, we have already looked at a variety of awkward comments and other things we all are not supposed to say during intimacy. So, today’s list is a follow-up to my last week’s list. Again, reviewing some of my friends’ “mood killers”, as well as some of my personal experience, I’ve compiled a list of some things that your partner doesn’t want to hear before, during and after sex. It is for your own good guys, so pay attention and try to avoid the mistakes below that are surprisingly common. Talking in the heat of passion is great and it helps to intensify satisfaction for you and your partner, but there are different kinds of sex talk, for example, there is an erotic talk, a dirty talk and there is a stupid talk (*wink*).

Yes, of course, what people like varies considerably from person to person; still, there are inappropriate, stupid, hilarious, worst things and all-time mood-killers that may ruin the entire experience for both of you and can damage a self esteem.

Well, are you guilty of uttering one or more of the following? ;)

“MOOD-KILLERS” (part two)

I’m sorry, I can’t look at you during sex.
It looks like you’re losing your hair.
Do you smell something burning?
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
What time is it?
Try not to leave any stains, okay? (using lubes, body paints, oils)
Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
Hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober…
You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
You’ll still vote for me, won’t you?
I think biting is romantic, don’t you?
Sorry, but I don’t do toes.
Actually, your sister likes it like this.
By the way, I want to break up.
You know, your mom’s hot.
Did I mention the video camera?
Smile for the camera, baby!
But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth?
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
What shall we eat today?
Perhaps, you’re just out of practice.
Have you ever considered liposuction?
Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
He: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like… She: Yourself?
Sorry about the name tags. I’m not very good with names.
You know, half inch smaller you could be a woman!
That looks like a penis, only smaller.
We need to talk.
I’m still looking for your good side.
You’re as soft as a sheep, inside and out.
Of course I don’t love you.
I love you. Sort of…
Don’t tell my husband/wife.
I hope you don’t expect a raise for this…
I think you might get the job for this.
A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
You know, you’re not really attractive.
Is it OK if I tell my friends about this?
Your breast milk is like my mom’s.
How come we each have a penis?
Why is your penis bigger than mine?
You ARE a girl/boy… right?
Wait… I thought you were a girl!
You could have surgery for that.
The only reason I’m doing this is because I’m drunk.
What the hell is that thing?!
This isn’t how my mom said it would feel.
My mom taught me this…
You’re better than your mother.
I don’t deserve you.
Hey! Where’s the condom gone?!
I’m out of condoms.
Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
Oh no! That won’t fit THERE!!!
C’mon, it won’t hurt…
I don’t trust you.
Was it you that farted?
Honey, let’s take a break. I need to check my email and I’m sure you probably do too.
OUCH, I hope you cleaned your teeth before you did that!
Is that your blood or mine?
Where is all that blood coming from?
This is my pet rat, Larry…
You sure smell better down here than the women I’ve slept with.
Don’t move. Really, do not move! Help… I’m stuck!
Wake me up when your done.
Oops, I think the battery’s dead.
You looked better before you had kids.
Maybe you should try kegels.
Go *uck yourself!
I hope that was as good for you as it was for me.
Don’t ask me not to hurt you.
My ex was amazing in bed.
Do you need Viagra?
Wanna suck this sh*t?
Not tonight, honey. I have a headache.
Are you acting like this because of PMS?
Did you have tuna for dinner?
Woman: I’ll let you play with my asshole if you let me play with yours…
Do you like this? Do you like this? Do you like this?
But all the other guys love this…
I have to poop…
Can you feel it?

So, what do you feel as you read the above? Not so sexy, right? ;) And finally, let me give you a recommendation today. This one is for you, ladies. There are the four words guys never want to hear. Please do not say them: “IS IT IN YET?” (lol) And, guys, please never, I repeat – NEVER say: “Are you acting like this because of PMS?” LOL

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You might also enjoy reading:

You may have missed part one of Things You Should Never Say During Sex! Read this for 88 things that you are not supposed to say during (before and after, probably) lovemaking.

So you would like to learn how to approach the naughty fun of talking in the sack and feel more comfortable about it? Aren’t sure what to say? I hope Dirty Talk Tips And 50 Examples (from not-so-dirty to the dirtiest) will come in quite handy.

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Recommended links and things: