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“You’re Almost As Good As My Ex!”, “Did You Come Yet, Dear?” – And Other Things You Should Never Say During Sex!
Hello there everyone! How are you, boys and girls? As for me, I am in such a great mood! I’m in a great mood today because it’s Friday! Woohoo! Well, today we won’t discuss an issue or learn new sex tips, I just want you to relax and smile. Here are some things you should never say during lovemaking! You’ve probably already read them online and knew that, but still here is a list for those of you who may have missed it. Being vocal during sex and talking dirty is great, but there are things that your partner doesn’t want to hear before, during and after that intimate act! So, people, did you happen to say things from the list below?
You’ve got to be kidding me.
When is this supposed to feel good?
Just use your finger, it’s bigger.
How long do you plan to be “almost there”?
Your best friend does this much better.
You could at least ACT like you’re enjoying it!
Haven’t you ever done this before?
If you can’t do it, I’ll find someone else who can.
Get off me, I’ll do it myself!
We’ll try again later when you can satisfy me, too.
You’re almost as good as my ex!
Don’t make that face at me.
Did you come yet, dear?
Yuck! I hope you’re gonna clean that up.
Your “happy trail” led me to a dead end.
Try breathing through your nose.
Your breath is funky…
But I just brushed my teeth!..
Who smells like fish?
Is that smell coming from you?
Hurry up, the game’s about to start.
But you just started!
Ok, start… Oh, yes! That feels so… YOU’RE DONE?!
So that’s why they call you MR. Flash!
You woke me up for that?
That’s it?
This sucks.
God, that is small!
It’s ok, honey, I can just imagine that it’s bigger.
Don’t touch that!
On second thought, let’s turn out the lights.
You look better in the dark.
My friends were right! You ARE good!
I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
Now we must get married!
When would you like to meet my parents?
I want a baby!
How much do I owe you?
I thought that goes in the other hole…
Get your hand out of there!
Let’s finish, I’m tired and hungry.
Are those real?
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
Wow! I’ve never seen those before!
You’re too fat to be on top, you’d kill me!
Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours!
Let’s talk about that.
What, oh yeaah, I love you too, now let me concentrate!
Stop moaning, you sound stupid.
No, I don’t love your mind, I can’t grab that!
I really hate women who actually think sex means something.
Oh Susan, Susan… I mean Donna… Shit.
My ex used to do it a lot longer!
Hurry up, the motor’s running.
Hurry up, I have a meeting…
Fire in the hole!
You know, you’re not really attractive.
Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
Person 1: This is your first time, right?
Person 2: Yeah… Today.
Suck my dick, bitch!
Ohh, your teeth are sooo sharp.
Why am I doing all the work?
Is that all you know how to do?
Now I know why he/she dumped you…
I have a confession…
Did I tell you I have herpes?
Did I tell you my aunt died in this bed?
I’ll tell you who I’m fantasizing about if you tell me who you’re fantasizing about.
You’re boring!
I wish we got the Playboy channel.
Can you please pass me the remote control?
Hold on, let me change the channel.
It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
And to think, I didn’t even have to buy you dinner.
What’s your name again?
Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?
You’re good enough to do this for a living!
Do I have to pay for this?
Is this a sin too?
Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
You look younger than you feel.
Hurt me… hurt me… But only a little bit… O.K?
You taste like an ashtray!
If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
Help I’m stuck!
Is that your hair in my mouth or mine?
I can’t find my labia ring! You didn’t swallow it, did you?!
Wait. I’ll be right back… I need to download one more program.
Smile for the camera, honey!
In times of passion, many of us may sound funny and say silly things. So what are your most memorable and the funniest things/words you ever said or asked or heard during sex?
Have a sex-filled and safe weekend everybody, see ya!
(Next Friday: Mood-Killers Part Two ;)
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If you want to become the best lover ever who knows what to say and what to do during sex, I know a great adult shop to visit!
Well that made me smile a lot, and cringe, I felt like saying a few, just a few of those lines, once or twice in my life. Great to see you writing again, I missed you! What has been said to you that shouldn’t have been said?
THANK YOU! Ohh yes that made me smile a lot too :) Perhaps the funniest things for me are: “Ok, start… Oh, yes! That feels so… YOU’RE DONE?!” and “Is that your hair in my mouth or mine?” :D Honestly, I have heard myself saying those things. What has been said to me that shouldn’t have been said? Well, it’s something like: “Okay hurry up Honey, I have a meeting!” :D
Again, thank you Warrior for being such an awesome reader of my blog! It means a lot to me to have devoted readers!
Blowing you a *big kiss* :)
ahhhh what a joy!
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